


Hold Me Closer in the Summer Air

by SomethingRoyal



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, also i hope my punnishing use of pronouns and no real names until the end isn't annoying, and it tore through me like a hurricane so I spit it out on paper, but at this point im not changing it, but i had this random idea, but it probably will be, this didn't actualy happen, with a little bit of fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 16:11:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14897795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingRoyal/pseuds/SomethingRoyal
Summary: And how perfect it was to have it be here, in the shadow of my graveyard of a home, wrapped in the arms of the only person I had left, that I my heart had decided it had had enough.





	Hold Me Closer in the Summer Air

**Author's Note:**

> HI! So it's been a while, but I've been sitting on this one for a while now and I thought, "well I'm home alone and just got done throwing my stomach up, why not post this fic?" So here it is.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I use pronouns... a lot. To the point where after I was done writing this I found I only mentioned a first name pretty much at the end so you have been warned. It may be super annoying, but c'est la vie. Also it's not beta'd. Also also, Google translate has been used and I hope its right. If not I'd love the word check, but as of when I'm posting this they should both be Finnish terms of endearment like "sweetheart" and such.

I heard the patio door open slowly behind me, and footsteps that were trying not to make a sound.

“Hey… how are you doing?” 

The words fell softly from his mouth, like he was afraid I’d run off if he was to loud. He was probably right too. I felt him place his rough, calloused hands gently around my shoulders and his head dipped to level with mine, but I couldn’t turn my head. I didn’t answer his question- he already knew the answer so why bother?. Instead, I pulled his hands down and wrapped them around my stomach. I held onto them just a little too tightly. I felt him sit down behind me, his muscled chest seeming to line up perfectly with the figure of my back. He tightened his arms around me, mimicking my grip on his hands, and he laid his head on my shoulder. His breath was warm against my neck and his body heat surrounded me, but I still felt cold. Even when he landed his lips softly on that spot just below my jaw that always made my eyes flutter, I just stared ahead, into a setting sun that hurt to look at now. 

“It’s ok, kultaseni. It’s all going to be ok.” 

My own native tongue sounded so foreign to me- sounded wrong- like a string out of tune. I appreciated the gesture well enough though; he was only trying whereas I’d given up. His steady heartbeat was still trying to guide mine to the same, easy time- to remind me it was still in my chest, beating. And his breath was constant on my skin, trying to remind me that that he was here right beside me, breathing. 

“No one else is out here. You don’t have to pretend anymore. It’s just you and me.” 

I felt something leave me I didn't know I’d been holding in, and it left in the form of a quivering breath. My shoulders fell as the muscles in my back slackened. Loosening my grip which had gotten tighter since he first sat down, I let my body melt into the one behind me not sure when I started shaking so badly. Any other time I would have hated how desperate I must have looked , but right now, as I felt a tear trace its way down my cheek, I couldn’t have cared less. 

“I know, Tuukka. I miss him too.” 

Another hot trail was raced along my face as I let his whisper tear off the mask I’d been wearing. My heartbeat and breathing picked up again, frantic with the notion of feeling. And then his arms held me even closer, like I’d fade away if he didn’t keep me pressed to his chest. I think some part of me wanted to- the part of me that tried hide how much it all hurt. But there’s only so much one heart could hide. And how perfect it was to have it be here, in the shadow of my graveyard of a home, wrapped in the arms of the only person I had left, that I my heart had decided it had had enough. I covered my mouth with my hand and felt the steady stream of tears slip between my fingers.  
I didn’t notice him move, but soon, he was kneeling in front of me and wrapping his arms around me once more. I didn’t fight him when he pulled me to his chest. Instead, I clung to the back of his shirt until my knuckles turned white, buried my head in his shoulder, and let myself go. All of my grief and pain that I buried at the funeral came crawling back out in that moment. 

“Shhh I’m here, kultaseni. You’re not alone, you’re never going to be alone.” 

I tried to listen to his words, but I felt like I couldn't breath. I wanted to scream. The pressure in my head and chest building and suffocating me, but all that came out was a shaking voice, soaked with helplessness which was further muffled by the fabric I spoke into.

“Shawn I… I don’t know what to do.”

His hand stopped making small circles on my back. He reached and gently placed his hands on my cheeks and guided me to look at him. I blinked the blurry tears out of my vision but I couldn’t stand to meet Shawn’s eyes.

“Hey,” he said softly, dipping his head slightly to look at me. 

I finally met his gaze and saw that his eyes were wet as well. Something inside my heart tightened at the notion that maybe I wasn't so alone. And when he brushed his thumb over my cheek, it felt like he was wiping away more than just a stray tear. 

“We’re going to get through this, together Tuukka. It hurts. It always hurts so much that you never think it’ll end, and I don’t know when it will, but you won’t do this alone. I promise you, you are not going to be alone. You are going to get through this.” 

He planted a soft kiss on my forehead and then settled back into the embrace that kept me grounded. Those words where all I’d heard since the funeral, but I never really listened to them until now. For the first time since I buried my brother, I listened and believed Shawn when he said it would all be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
